Choose it or Lose it

Turns out if you refuse to chose if you want to keep your last name or take his or maybe just add his on to the end of your or maybe come up with some fantastic mix of the two the powers that be just decide for you. Nice huh?

Tevas

I've wanted a pair of Tevas for a very very long time. Tony and I were at DSW trying on shoes with super high heels when I stumbled across a pair.They were size 11. They had been marked down from $77 to just $17. So of course I bought them. And I wore them to dinner. And I wore them bowling. And I wore them to bed. I loved them.

But you may ask, "Manda,I have never seen these beloved Tevas on your feet? " It's cause Shelby got jealous and ate them. I hate her.

Dog Park

Since Shelby is getting fatter every single day we decided to take her to the dog park this afternoon. She acted all hardcore and only played with the big dogs. When it started snowing we wrapped things up and headed to the car. Shelby had a deliriously happy grin on her face as well as the shared slobber from 4 or 5 other dogs.



She might of gotten just a little to big for her britches. She is all worn out.

Coupon Book

I made my very own coupon book. I am very smug about it. I might even start "patting my stash" soon.

I sue you

I took a break from the blog because of the negative feedback I was getting. I've been blogging for a mere 2 weeks and it starts again. Public criticism of others is probably not the wisest choice in blog content, but I still think its my right and freedom. I can make fun of people if I want to. When did it become against the law to make fun? And if I was spreading nice gossip, like "ohhh, that pairing of purple socks and black sandles was soooo hott!" would people get as offended?

Why threaten legal action? Why cant people just come to the realization that - she must just be fat/angry/ugly/ jealous/unhappy/unstable. What happened to us as a society that we are so delicate?

Pretty Woman

She wore this to school. Wait, scratch that. The community college. I'm just trying to help when I throw this out there... There are no medical students here. And guys like Richard Gere go to private schools. So stop strutting around the printer, take your safety pinned boot and get back to childhood development class.


Those are scuffed toe black mid calf boots. The rayon/polyester skit is worn in a mini fashion, but I do not believe that was its intended use. The slit in the back is somewhere between 7 and 8 inches high. There is a strategically placed safety pin at about the 6 inch point but does little to hide her white cotton bikini briefs, but instead creates an aesthetically pleasing "peekaboo" pocket. Up top we have a purple lace sleeved shirt with coordinating purple tank underneath. In a classic style, the lace shirt is tucked in and belted. Sorry guys, I didn't make it past her neck...that damn peekaboo pocket

Shelby

before 9am Shelby:

-pooped behind the brown chair, stepped it in, and tracked it across the carpet.
-ate the corner bit of the cover of my biology textbook
-severed the power cord for my laptop.

I'm not talking to her for the rest of the day.

Dress Bitch

I can't imagine paying full price for a wedding dress that I plan on wearing once or twice. So I began my real search for a dress on KSL.com classifieds. I ran into a couple reeeeal sweet ladies. Here is the email I sent one darling:

I am interested in your dress. I am slightly confused about the pricing. Are you saying you would subtract $150 from your price because it needs to be cleaned (which costs $150). Making the total cost $200+ $150 cleaning= $350. Or are you saying the dress is $350 and I will need to clean it for an additional $150. Meaning $350 + $150 cleaning = $500 which is the same as a brand new dress?

From a buyers perspective it does not make good financial sense to purchase a $350 used dress that requires an additional $150 in cleaning if I can purchase a brand new dress for the same price. I can see paying $150 for the dress. I realize that is quite a bit lower than your listed price, but I am looking on KSL for a deal. If you don't get any better offers let me know. Thanks and Congratulations!

And then her response:

Thank you for your opinion... however I did not ask for a buyers perspective. I would not drop the price from what I paid just a couple months ago to $150. If you do not want to pay the price I am asking, then don't take the time to message me. I have had several offers on the dress since posting it at that lower rate, a couple of which are more than happy to pay that price because they, like you, came to ksl to find a deal and Im offering this dress at a rate lower than it can be bought brand new.

For future references, maybe keep in mind that if an ad doesnt specifically say "please, give me the opinions from a buyers perspective", it might be ok to not. Just a thought.

Thanks for your interest.

A couple weeks later I noticed her same ad on KSL.com....tragicly the price had been lowered to $200. Sad huh?

Stupid Red Camero

Parking is a beast on campus. I normally arrive 20 minutes early so I can circle the parking lot until i find a victim to stalk to their car. I followed a guy to his car this morning, turned on my blinker and waited for him to load his backpack and reverse.

And then, a red Camero speed up and whipped into the spot. Jerk. For a moment I thought of rolling down the window and yell, but instead I decided to do a little auto intimidation. (thanks to libby for the lessons) I sat in my car and watched him take my spot, I continued to sit there while he removed his backpack and opened his red bull. Then he noticed me still sitting there. I just stared at him. As he started walking towards the building I held up my phone to snap a pic of his licence. I didn’t really take a picture, but he sure thought I did. I slowly followed him to the school. He kept looking over is shoulder, and sure enough I was still following. I'm sure images of a large scratch along the door of his car or four deflated tires were flashing through his mind.

He walked in the building and I resumed my search for a parking spot. The parking Gods were smiling down because I found one on my next loop. As I pulled in, guess who was parked in the spot adjacent to mine? None other than the red Camero.

Do I leave a nasty note, deflate his tires with and extra bobbie pin in my ashtray or just ram him?

Lagoon

It's all hers!

Kelly and I spotted this one at Rio the other day. Yeah, its all her hair. And like a whole can of aqua net. The guy she's with is on to us, but I couldn't pass this one up.

Spiral Jetty

Last weekend Abby and I took the boys on an adventure. Everyone was confused about where we were actually going. Was it the Pyro Getty? or Spiral Staircase? or Spiral Spagetti? or Spiral Chamber? Josh was most confused. 90 minutes in he asked why it was taking so long to get to Abby's house.

My favorite trip quotes:

"We're gunna LOSE it!!!!" -Jake- referring to the blanket hanging out the window
"Why did you bring money?"- Cam "So I could buy something and rub it in your face." -Jake
"this was my legs" -Josh
"Are we going to Ethel's?" -Jake "No! Its Smith and Smither's" -Cam "No boys, Its Smith and Edwards surplus plus."- Manda

Sometimes I really wish I owned a kayak...but I'd probably die.

Jake's Hair

Kelly let me be cool aunt Manda and dye Jake's hair





Awesome.

That's the beauty of a Jeep...

Dude... Its a Jeep. Why would you do that? A Jeep man. Just take the top off. idiot.

no tattoo...yet

Whew... I think the Tim/Vincent/Janitor saga is mostly over. I think I ended it for reals this time... I made a big enough ass of myself that there is no going back. It doesn't matter that he is a firefighter/paramedic/super foxx/adventurer/everything I ever wanted... there's no way he can stop me from burning the bridge. He can't resuscitate this one. I could totally go for some mouth to mouth but CPR isn't gunna save it. Its done.

The last time we talked he asked if we could stay friends.... since we live in neighboring cities and all... what if we ran into each other one day? I blew him off and explained we've both lived here for the past 7 years and never ran into each other before. I'm satisfied pretending to hate him forever.

With that said... I ran into both Alex's mom and brother and sister in law in the last 10 days. Gergh... I think its karmas way of letting me know I shouldn't tattoo "i HATE tim" across my forehead just yet.

USPS

This looks to me like a privately owned vehicle with a crooked oversized USPS sticker on the back. Why? Why is it on all wrinkled and crooked? Most of us think you guys are overpaid slackers anyway...why facilitate that idea by haphazardly putting the sticker on your car?

and since we are talking about fat girls....

Remember the ridiculous amount of cheese Alex and I used to have in our fridge at all times? What was that? Like a 5lb bag of shredded Colby and Monterey Jack? Absurd amounts of cheese!

But its one of those reasons I'll always love Alex...'cause he bought me cheese.

short hair and a big bag

Earlier today I was complaining about my hair and a friend sent me a picture and suggested I get my hair cut like this:


Now, I am so very flattered that you can look at a picture of Katie Holmes and somehow your brain thinks, “Manda Brossette could pull this look off.” Its very kind, but no, I wont be cutting my hair that short. Ever.

I have this theory about fat girls and short hair and big bags. Fat girls think, “I’m gross. I want a new look” so they cut their hair short, shorter and shorter. That didn’t really help. So they go out and get a big bag to carry around. Like maybe a big bag will distract from my large abdomen. Who knows.

So, yeah. I refuse to do it. I won’t cut my hair short or get a bag thats big enough to put an entire box of krispy kreme in....and no glittery belts either.

Focus!

Since I began driving at 17 I've been in three car accidents. The most recent of which is about to "fall off" my record in June. At that time my insurance rates will *hopefully* go down.

Normally I'm a pretty safe driver. I dont speed to much, I dont follow too closely, Im not agressive at all. Normally, pretty safe. But then I get stressed about something. And I have these periods of time where I become a really awful driver. Its like I become lazy in my driving. I just happen to not notice big red caravans or bight yellow curbs.

I understand the first step is realizing you have a problem and admiting it. But what is the next step? Do I have to take the bus for a couple weeks while I get this issue figured out in my head? Or maybe invest in some of those magnetic signs that say "Student Driver" to stick on my door so others know to watch out for me? Or I could just get some Adderall off the black market to help me focus.

14 days down...like a billion to go

Today makes 2 weeks since I've talked to my janitor.

I still feel like somebody punched me in the gut. I'm finding it hard to breathe. I just want to lay on the ground in the fetal position. and pout. :(

Professor Review

A couple weeks ago I had an assignment due in English class. This was the same week I had that cold from hell that left me asking for death. So instead of writing a set of instructions I just submited this blog post. The instructions were supposed to be something we had actually done so others could follow them with the same results. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best piece to submit..but who cares right?

I got the paper back today with notes from my professor on it. This is what she wrote: "AMAZING idea! Laughed so hard. You have a few technical mistakes, but for the most part it is great. Revise these simple mistakes, and you’ll have it made. grade= A"

I guess I can be happy my tragic love life is helping me pass my classes... and someone is laughing about this bullshit.

Copy Room Girl

I got a new job a couple weeks ago. Mostly cause Kelly kept complaining that I sleep in until noon and then roam around the house in my bathrobe leaving empty coke cans everywhere. I keep telling her that I'm FREAKIN DEPRESSED but she doesn't seem to care anymore.

This job is a perfect fit. The lighting is bad- all flourecent- no windows. I sit in a cubicle or the copy room listening to the hum of xerox. There is no music allowed. I haven't made any friends...by choice. So I go in, get the work done, and leave without having to talk to a soul. Thats probably best...since I'm not working with the public anymore showering daily and wearing make-up has become optional. The other cubicle walls are filled with personal photos that remind the cubicle occupant how much better life outside this place is. Depression seems to fester here. I like it.

come on already...

“Are you planning on sleeping over?....Oh good. ‘Cause I don’t really like to share my bed.”
“I’m not a nice person. I use people to get what I want.”
“I don’t really do relationships.”

These are three statements made within about 5 minutes of each other by a boy I had dinner with a few nights ago. Wouldn’t it have just been easier for both parties if he had just skipped the dinner part and said, “ I don’t care to get to know you or spend time with you, I just want a physical relationship.”


Seriously. I’m on a break from all boys...for at least three days.

Ides of March

It was a good day to just let it die.

Cookin' with Jared

Normally I sit at the island and watch "Cookin' with Kelly" but this morning there was a guest cook- Jared. It was pretty good. He cooked bacon and eggs and waffles simultaneously. I did learn some whisk vs. fork tips but the chef commentary really was lacking. Jared's gunna have to step it up if hes going to make it on Food Network.

You Know...

...cause we have to take a picture EVERY time we go to Chilis.

Sunday Lunch Date

Um, guys....I think I just got totally ditched mid-date. Ok, wait. Rephrase that. I totally just got ditched mid-date.

So the kid and I are at lunch. He gets the “how are things” phone call and then 10 minutes later gets the “I have an emergency!!!” phone call. And immediately has to leave and drive to Vernal or something... I don't know I wasn’t paying that close attention.

Whaaat? Did that seriously just happen? To me?

I am very aware that I am not the kindest of daters, but seriously... the “I have an emergency!!!” call? Even I have never been that lame. That's so Saved by the Bell.

I should really just stick to my rule and not go on dates with boys under 30. For reals.

(hehehe so Beans just came in and reassured me that I am pretty. He also said that boy is an idiot. And we should call him and when he picks up the phone scream “You’re and IDIOT!” and then hang up. Thanks Beans.)

Fine. I'll just die.

Valerie is the MA at my doctors office. I think she is pretty funny. I talk to her on the phone a lot cause, you know, I'm always dying. Today's call went like this:

Manda: "So what did the test say?"
Valerie: "You're dying."
Manda: "Again?"
Valerie: "Sucks to be you"
Manda: "Thanks"
Valerie: "Do you realize this is the 9th time you've had strep in the last 12 months? You are running out of drugs. You should have your tonsils taken out."
Manda: "I don't like ice cream"
Valerie: "Fine. Die then."

I wish I could say things like Valerie and not get fired like Valerie.

Signs

At Smiths today we found this awesome hat for like $4.

And this trailer just sitting abandoned on the side of the road.

I think they are signs. Maybe I wont make it all the way to Alaska and I will probably take a ton of coke with me....but I think im gunna go.

The only thing that really worries me is when you die and all the bowel muscles relax and thats just gross.

New Blog Commenting Rules

1. I'm the only one that gets to talk trash on people. You can say nasty things about me, but create your own blog if you want to talk crap about other people. Unless they are weirdo strangers I take sneaky pictures of... then we can talk about them, cause I bet they don't have feelings.
2. Watch the language! My dad reads this blog!
3. Other than language keep comments PG. Remember, my dad reads this blog.

thanks ya'll!

Mardi Gras Highlights

Libby and I @ Mardi Gras doing our best Kmart poses.


Yeah... one of Libby's kids got sick and threw up behind the sofa.


Best part of the party had to be the 8 loaves of french bread Abby brought. We each got our own.


Charles forgot the rum. Jerk.


After we couldnt eat any more white bread we made bread gloves and had cage fights in the kitchen.

Port City?

So I realize there is "snow" and all in the picture..but Shreveport seemed a little greener when we lived there? Like more obnoxious pokey green bushes? I thought there were more along the front...and then a couple on either side of the entry? And is the garage a different color? And I thought the screen door was black? And you used to actually be able to climb in that tree. (and if you were John Weenig and Emily Kellough makeout at the top during firesides at the Bishops house...hehehe) And at one time wasn't there some kind of alligator in the front yard? I mean seriously, whats goin' on ya'll?

The Grand Canyon

It's Friday night. I'm sitting on the sofa between Casey and Avery watching Pulp fiction..for like the 12th time this week. I decided two things. I need to get movin if I'm going to get this redbox back before nine and I want to see the Grand Canyon. So, grabbed the DVD and my toothbrush and headed to Arizona.


Did you even know there was a Manderfield in Utah?


This is the breakfast nook of my dreams!


This was carved into the table of my dream breakfast nook. Rock on ya'll!


So Tony was texting me driving directions throughout the night. But I guess neither of us thought to check and see if the park was even open. So I ended up driving around to the south rim.


I stopped at this not so scenic spot on the side of the road for a breakfast of coke and oreos stolen from some dead guy.


I love the Colorado. It makes me think of Indiana Jones


I really have no idea where this hole is located or what its even called. But I hiked around and down in it a little before I started imagining myself falling to the bottom and being trapped under a rock and having to cut my arm off. And then I started taking note of what I had on me that I could use to cut my own arm off and realized my car keys wouldnt cut through bone so I booked it out of there.



Look! A penguin at the Grand Canyon !




I spent alot more time than I thought I would. But the thought of sleeping in my car again gave me the encouragement I needed to drive until I got home. I'm not going back. The Grand Canyon kinda blows. Only three and a quarter stars

How to get Rid of a Boy

I'm non-committal. I struggle with the idea of caring about someone and taking that risk they might not care about me. So I sabotage relationships. Here are my 10 tested tips:

1. Be Super Needy- Ask for things you know you cant have. And when he says he can't give them to you, wait 2 days and ask again. Call him before 6am. Realize he has 30 minutes of free time a day and monopolize it.
2. Overstep Your Authority- Yes, he might have made it 33 years without you but now he needs you to tell him what to do. Be nosey. Tell him to leave his wife. Change his name to suit you. Tell him the way he raises his kid is wrong. Tell him he is unhappy and should fix it. 'Cause at 24 you know EVERYTHING.
3. Threaten to Tell His Wife- Because this will build trust between the two of you. And encourage him to do what you want.
4. Call him a Liar- dredge up all those doubts you have and spew them all at him at one time.
5. Cry- Men love it when chicks cry for no apparent reason. Try not to tell him why you are crying either.
6. Call him Names- you know, like a bully on the playground.
7. Overshare- Tell him about your period. Tell him about your drama. Make sure to whine. Tell him about crazy shit that happened years ago. If you run out of crap, lie.
8. Be mean and crazy- If you've made it to this point and he is still around, you must have some amazing tataas. Just start doing crazy mean shit.
9. Tell him you Hate him- Try to find a situation where it might just come off as legit. And say it with a straight face. Maybe cry. Or even better, text it to him so its even more confusing. Tell him to never contact you again.

- At this point he should be long gone. If he isn't its time to really evaluate if he is the boy of your dreams or if he is a crazy stalker. If he is the boy of your dreams proceed to step 10-

10. Tell him your Crazy in Love with him- Cross your fingers he loves you back. Stop playing games and hold on to him. I'm not really sure your going to find another one like this.

Lehi Basketball Rox!

Cross Contamination

We went to Cheesecake Factory last night. And of course I didnt finish my food cause they always give you enough for like 4 people so I brought the rest home. I reheated it in the oven (cause I don't do microwaves) and had it for lunch. I was swishing it around my plate cause turns out I wasnt hungry today either.... and noticed this weird noodle that didnt belong. 23-19! 23-19! Cross contamination! Aaagghhh!

But the best part of dinner had to be the waiter. Kelly and I counted. He touched me, for 3 seconds or more each time, at least 6 times during dinner. Like his entire palm placed mid back! It was wicked awkward. I finally said if he did it again I would gouge his eyes out with my spoon. Then he took my spoon from the table. Jerk.