Pagers

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Funny Abby

I just found this picture of Abby. It made me laugh out loud at work.

Urology Quilt

I made Michelle a quilt for her baby shower. It totally rocked. (the quilt not the baby shower) 10 points to anyone who can name every item featured on the quilt!

Alex in the News

Check out the outdoor section of the Tribune. There is a little article about Alex and the mountain club.

I stopped at the light behind this car the other morning. At first I thought the yellow ribbon on the back window was a "support our troops" ribbon but upon closer examination I read "livestrong"

Then I saw the smoke dangling out the window.

So are you for or aginst cancer?

Free Ash Meat

Meat contains no ash, rat byproducts, snot or sweat drippings. Only $2.49/lb

My Etsy Store

I finally did it. I made an Esty store. Now all of you that told me to do it or promised you would buy one...get to it!

amandabrossette.etsy.com

Happy Easter

For my super Easter present Alex found me this anatomically correct mannequin at a yard sale for only $10. Freakin Awesome huh?

insurance cards

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Not on the east side!

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It will just take a second

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puhsketti

Tonight Alex made puhsketti for dinner. Doesn't that sound yummy?

For Shanda

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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please hold

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How did it feel?

Libby's march for babies is on May 19th. We are going to walk just three miles up Provo canyon but I thought I would start training now to make sure I can do it. At dinner last night after my walk to Smiths:

Al: "How did it feel?"
Me: "My walk to Smiths? It felt like a walk to Smiths"
Al: "I hope it felt like you were saving babies. 'cause that's what your training for, to save babies."

freakin. weirdo.

Anna Nicole Moment

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Swinging Upstairs

Alex and I have lived in this basement for about a month now. I am becoming fairly certain that our landlords are swingers. For the following reasons:

1. They have lots of parties.
2. They have a hot tub.
3. I find empty beer cans on the lawn on Saturday morning.
4. Man Landlord has been seen in his robe on the deck in the middle of the afternoon.
5. From the basement it sounds just like Stewie's sexy parties.

Snow Bullies

I haven't been driving in the snow for very long. Its still really hard for me to tell if the roads are just wet or if that's ice, especially at 6 in the morning. That's why I stay to the right and drive cautiously. If you are a speedy pants, move to the right. Don't tailgate me in the snow and ice. If you must tailgate and then ram into the back of my car because you were tailgating and the roads are ice don't have some dumb look on you face when I jump out my car and scream that you are a freaking retard.

Bodacious Adventures N' Freaky Fysician

Last week we went to the BANFF film festival. Its three hours of different adventure films. Some are climbing some are skiing and my favorites are the rafting ones. There was a really good one this year about a woman traveling across the ice from Russia through the North Pole to Canada.

The second night we went we got there a little early. We found our seats and got comfortable. About 3 minutes before showtime my former employer showed up, "Hey Amanda" he said "well, isn't this crazy." The Doctor proceeded to sit down next to me. I guess we had purchased seats next to each other. Freakin. Awesome.

This is the same employer who, when I had been employed by him, told me I could stand to lose a few pounds. This is the first thing I thought when he sat down. Turns out he is also an "arm rest user." So I am sitting there with all my blubber flopping over into his chair space and he is placing his arm on the arm rest to try to keep me in my seat and out of his. This makes me uncomfortable. Then I remember how I lost it and cried when he fired me four weeks go. I become more uncomfortable. His elbow touches me. I become even more uncomfortable.By this point I have scooted to the edge of my seat about to fall off. If I hadn't been sitting half on Alex I probably would have been on the floor. Then his foot touched mine and I started to suffocate. Thank Allah its time for intermission.

As soon as the Doctor had left his seat I told Alex I was leaving. I was going to go sit in the car till the show was over. Alex suggested we just switch seats. The lady sitting next to him had bathed in some vanilla musk and was killing his nose. I gladly accepted. Doctor returned. Show continued. I didn't die.

Seriously. How unlucky can a poor unemployed girl get? First I see his wife at the store and freeze up unintentionally giving her the stink eye. Then I see him and end up oozing out of my chair onto the floor. What the heck in the world? Have I absolutely no social skills? I think maybe I should just return to the swamp from which I came.

Pants on Fire

Alex went camping last weekend. He got too close to the fire and melted his pants almost all the way off.

I think he might be getting too old for all of his adventures. I am contemplating getting him one of those life alert necklaces so he can call for help when he finally falls off the mountian.

My Ugly House

Alex and I moved about a month ago and even though I was unemployed for 3 of those 4 weeks stuff is still unpacked and unarranged. I just don't know what do do with all this crap. I think we should give it to D.I. but Al really needs all of his orange chairs.This is the view from the kitchen into the living area. That door over there on the other side of the room leads to the rest of the house so maybe I shouldn't have to jump over the couch to get to it. Notice in the bottom left corner one orange chair stacked in another cause I don't know what to do with them.
This is what the area behind the couch looks like. In the corner is a really nice working fireplace. The wall has this weird 6 inch shelf about mid way up the wall. I'm not sure what it is for. So we got three random chairs and an elliptical back there.
I don't want to forget to include a pic of the storage closet door built for umpa loompas. Its like 4 and a half feet tall.
So this is my very technical floor plan. What am I supposed to do? Anyone have an idea how to rearrange this room?

Al's Gore

Whenever Alex leaves on one of his adventures I make sure to tell him to " be safe". I forgot yesterday and look what happened:

Alex went night skiing last night. I mostly worked on aprons and watched never ending Law & Order reruns. About 9:15 the front door slowly open and Alex said "If you cant handle blood turn away." I hid under my blanket but still heard him on the tile kitchen floor. Clunk. Scrape. Drag. Clunk. Scrape. Drag.

I discovered the courage to remove the blanket from my head and ask what happened. Al said he must have hurt his leg when he was skiing. He didn't even notice it until he was done and getting into his car to drive home. As he removed his ski boot he found his hands covered in blood and his boot full of the stuff.

I got him a towel so he could hobble to the bathroom without getting blood all over the floor. Once he got there he discovered that his thermals and sock was soaked with blood. It was at this moment he instructed me to grab the camera so he could document. After discovering a huge bloody mass protruding from his leg coupled with the amount of blood loss we decided to go to the ER.

I made Alex take a towel with him so he wouldn't get blood in my car and so we wouldn't make people waiting in the waiting room throw up when we got there. I also had him wear furry leopard print slippers cause I thought they were funny.

We checked in at the ER desk and intake lady assessed the situation and cleaned up the leg a little. Turns out it wasn't serious enough to take us back for another 2 hours. We eavesdropped on conversations between the po po and other waiting room people. We made up stories about why the po po was so interested in them. We played 20 questions and I read Alex some advice columns from the smut magazine I brought.

Alex got pulled back and into a room about midnight. All the boys back there thought the hole in his leg was freakin awesome. When they came in to thoroughly clean it up I had to turn my chair around and face the corner cause I got sick. Alex took pictures.

The wound was pretty deep and there was muscle tissue sticking out that had to be shoved back in before Alex could get all stitched up. It was dirty. Alex ended up with 7 stitches.

Al was hungry so we stopped and got burritos and chalupas on the way home. Luckily I had a cold coke in the fridge. I had a drink and went to bed.

R.I.P. Lizard

I hate to track snow into the house because it makes all kinds of puddles on the kitchen floor. So, before I come in the house I stomp stomp stomp and wipe my feet on the rug. Last night as I was stomping I happened to look down. Eeek ! I had stomped a poor little lizard to death. I have a history with small animals and squishing them. I started to tear up . I squated down to take a closer look, maybe this little lizard wasnt a complete loss. Then I realized I was crying over a stomped piece of lint.

What Would Miss Manners Do?

I am pretty sure everyone knows but I was fired about two weeks ago. I'm not quite sure how I feel. On one hand I was so tired of working with one of my coworkers. I would wake up and dread going to work, only because I knew she would be there. On the other hand there are no jobs out there. I've applied or sent resumes to 87 different places. With just 2 callbacks. Its a tough market out there.

I finally made it off the couch today and went to Target for some cleaning supplies. As I was leaving I spotted the wife of my former boss. I stopped and stared and she did the same thing. It only lasted like 4 seconds but they were really long uncomfortable seconds. I just couldnt think of anything to say and my arm wouldnt lift to make a half-assed attempt at a wave.

Now I feel like a jerk. I'm not really mad at her or her husband. I swear I wasnt sending evil thoughts or shooting spikes out my eyes. Does anyone know what Miss Manners would do in this situation?

Panda Cupcakes

Alex has a Rudd family party to go to tonight. I thought I would make something extra special!

Its not gunna happen ladies

Yup, you read that right. Sad news huh?

I asked Alex the other night if he was going to marry me and he said he wasn't planning on it. I also asked him about getting a puppy for me and he said maybe. I think I just got to pick my battles with this boy and I really do want a puppy.

So sorry ladies, no big rock, no wedding colors, vomit enducing gift registry, skanky boob enhancing corset dress or amazing 12 layer wedding cake.

He did give me a $20 as he left this morning. He told me to "Go buy yourself something nice. Like a Sody." Plus he kills bugs, lifts heavy stuff and checks under my car for parts after I hit small animals. Thats all you really need right?

Aprons?

So, I was thinking today... what if I made aprons. Like cute ones with ribbon and lace and naughty ones like I made abby for Christmas...is that a real job? I mean, can you really make money selling homemade aprons?

or should i just keep looking for a real job?

Openin' a Can o' Worms

Do you ever accidentally, possibly open a can of worms? I mean you didn't mean to open it, but somehow you did. Through no fault of your own you let someone find out a secret that should have been kept a secret. And now you have a secret in your possession that is so deliciously delicious. But it could cause some damage if that secret was let loose...

I cant wait till I lose control and spill the secret everywhere.

But not on this blog cause I think it might be considered slander.

We're Enchanted!

For those of you who dont know Alex and I are moving again. The water buffalo upstairs are just too outta control. Plus they want to increase our rent another $40...and that just blows. We took a couple loads of Alex's crap over this weekend. Our new place is located at the intersection of Enchanted Hills and Magic Hills. I think this place is gunna be all rainbows and unicorns!

I got in trouble today

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oxen in apartment 22

I really hate the people that live above me. They sound like a herd of oxen. The unemployed winter flip flop wearing 30 year old husband plays gutiar hero well into the night most nights. Seriously, he's not that good. That band dream you had when you were in high school isnt going to happen, get a job. He should probably find some other hobbies too cause televised sports seem too intense for him. I can hear him up there screaming and jumping up and down. Really, how absurd is it for a grown man to scream and jump around in response to a screen displaying pictures. Its like he is more gorilla than man.

As I lay awake last night I dayreamd about things I want to do to them.
1. throw eggs at their door.
2. stick bobbie pins in the valves of their tires so they deflate
3. call the cops
4 knife their tires
5. drop a brick from my second story window onto their winshield
6. find alex's gun and shoot them through the ceiling
7. lure him into my apartment so i can shoot him and claim self defense

what should I do? vote in the comments section.

"but we are good friends"

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Ladies Lunch

Yesterday I attended a ladies lunch in Sandy. The conversation ranged from drunken pilots to breast reduction surgery. We also talked about the end of the world as we delicately munched on our breadsticks.

I was informed that the end of the world is quickly approaching and in a few years I won’t even need to purchase life insurance because, as a sinner, I will just go up in a ball of flames with no need for a coffin or flower arrangement for the front of the church.
Later, while sitting on my couch of sin talking to Lucifer…I mean Alex… I decided that maybe I don’t want to join the Jesus party in heaven. If salvation requires me to try to function daily in a slightly suicidal Zoloft induced haze it’s not worth it…that shimmering halo isn’t worth playing the “I’m the prettiest/most spiritual/most humble/wealthiest” game every Sunday at 9am.

Alex comforted me by letting me know that when I am dropped into a boiling pit of magma I will most likely die from the fumes before I hit the scalding lava. And if I did reach the hotness it would only hurt for like a second or two… ten tops.

Air Supply is COMING!!

Wendover February 27th only $10 for cheap seats. Who wants to go?? ...kelly?

some ugly shoes

Here is a photo of the shoes that lead to the death of a cat....according to Alex, an unecessary death.

Kat Killer

I was driving all over the west side last night trying to find some shoes. Well, I knew what shoes I wanted I just needed to find a store that had them in my size. I was taking some back roads (aka I was lost) when this white cat ran out in front of my car. I tried to swerve but it was not the fate of this cat to live last night.

I pulled over and called Alex but he didn't pick up. I called again and again but he didn't pick up then either. I called Kelly because she would know what to do in a situation like this.

I had dried my tears and called animal control and was about to leave the parking lot where I had stopped when Alex called me back. He said that animal control wouldn't get to it till Monday and it was probably some little kids pet so he would take care of it.

So on his way home from work this morning at 6am Alex drove all around Bang-Bang and 12800 S and 11400 S cause I wasn't sure where I was when I hit the cat. When the situation was taken care of and he got home he inspected my car to make sure it was "clean". Last night I had to run from the drivers seat into the house with my eyes closed so I wouldn't see anything that may or may not have been on my car.

After Alex woke up he came in the craft room (which was formerly the man room)and saw the opened box with my new shoes in them. "Those are HIDEOUS!!!" he exclaimed. "You killed a cat over those shoes?!? Unbelievable!"

SIck Deal of the Day

So you might be wondering what I was doing at Albies last night. I was buying pasta. Lots of it! It was on sale 20 packages for $10. So of course we bought 20 packages.
All that pasta....mmmmm. look what else I have!! Anyone else want spaghetti sandwiches!?!?
Oh, and on a side note look what got left behind at my house...hmmmm. I think I will have the first ever Manda's blog giveaway. In the comments section just leave me a not why YOU need it more than anyone else.

Savvy Shopper

I might have taken my deal seeking a little to far. We were at the self checkout at Albies. Sometimes the machine will print out coupons along with your receipt. There is a trash can near the end of the lane to toss 'em if you don't want 'em. While Alex was paying I started rummaging through the can to see if there were any good coupons that had been discarded. He looked at me like I was a freakshow.

From now on I will limit my coupon scavenging ways to shopping trips without Al.

Manda's Christmas List

Just in case any of my loyal readers has waited 'til the last minute trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for me I have found a few suggestions...I found these lovely little gems at tiffany.com
I only NEED the necklace, but if you are feeling generous the matching braclet would be a nice touch.

This one is my third choice...and it doesnt come with a chain so you will have to buy that too.

Santa has Arrived!

Instead of taking your kid to the mall (with the pedophile santa) come to my house and let 'em see Santa here. I will even take their picture!
Libby: there is a shot of my $3 tree skirt.

Black Friday

Alex, Abby and I woke up at 4:30 Friday morning so we could be at Wal-Mart by 5:00. We got there just in time to watch them open the doors and the crowds of people shove their way in. We quickly split up. By 5:08 Abby and I had found everything we wanted and some other stuff too. We ventured into the electronics section to find Alex. We found him standing in line. Everyone who wanted some electronic item had to stand in one of three lines consisting of 500 people each. We were not sure which was the real line because none of them were moving. The correct line would ultimately lead you to layaway where you could receive your electronics item from behind the counter and pay for it there. After about 30 minutes I nosed around to the front of the line and discovered that the not too competent Wal-Mart employees had misplaced the pallet of cameras that we were there to purchase. I found Abz and Alex in line and we ditched Wal-Mart.

Next we headed to Target. They opened at 6:00. We found some people we knew at the front of the line and joined them. KUTV was there and caught our entrance on camera. Check it out here: http://www.kutv.com/default.aspx?articleID=71351 (scroll about 1/4 the way down. Its the movie on the right side of the screen)

Once again we split up once we gathered our items we converged on the electronics section. And then tragedy struck....some mean old lady with jello arms knocked Abby down. I heard a yelp and turned to find her in a pile of DVDs. Quickly I yelled "We got a man down!! Man down!!" and outstretched my arms to create a cocoon of safety so she could stand up. Finally we made it to the outskirts of the herd, marveled in our take and headed to the registers.

Halloween

Since its almost Thanksgiving I thought I would post some photos from Halloween.

this is the wicked sick spider we hung from the ceiling.

Shut the hell up. You're not the boss of ANYBODY!

I've had it. As of today we are not judging, condemning or threatening the lives of the members of the following groups:

-supporters of prop 8
-those against prop 8
- men in Oregon who have babies
- Mormons
-non-Mormons
- Jews
- black people
- Hispanic people
- people who don't look or sound like you
- Muslims
- people less well off than you
- peoples who's life style you don't agree with
- people you think are not as smart as you

As I read the news today I am astounded by the arrogance of the people in this country. Why cant everyone just be happy and content believing what they want to believe. Why must we try to force our beliefs on others??? Who says youre right and I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right and youre wrong and maybe youre the one who is going to be burning in hell. Ever think of that? Probably not.

Auto Source is Hiring!

I was on KSL this morning and saw this advertisement.


Um... maybe its time you actually hired someone to do your PR. Your second cousin Billy Bob just isn't cutting it anymore. I mean, is the car on fire or just going really fast to get to the nekked hot dog eating contest before they throw out the hot dog water?

The day the Po Po came

There was quite a commotion this afternoon at work. There was a ambulance, a fire truck, a police car and a girl cryin and talking to a po po while smokin her smoke. It was very intriguing.Alisa really wanted to get out there and see what was going on, but she felt kinda silly standing in the hall looking out the window so she looked out the window of our office through the hall windows into the parking lot.


She wanted to see what was going on so bad that she had her face squished up against the window. I just had to take a picture from the outside.

*this post is dedicated to kelly's post for today which made the whole office laugh.

my mac is back !

A couple weeks ago the power cord that keeps my mac alive somehow died. I took it to the mac store. The employees there are super nerds but are so helpful. They figured out that it was my cord not the computer that was broken. Then were even able to print my receipt for the cord I bought there 3 months ago. The super nerd gave me the 1-800 number for the manufacturer and told me to call to get a replacement part.

A couple days later I called "Tom" who I am sure was named Muhammad or Ali or Zara 'cause he had an awful strong accent. "Tom" told me he couldn't replace my cord because the cords were defective. "Tom" told me I could pick anything else on the website in place of the defective power cord. I asked "Tom" if he realized it was a power cord and if I cant turn the thing on I cant use speakers or software or and other gadget found on his site. He politely told me I could have anything on the site.

So I ordered a knockoff from China from Ebay.

I got it today and now my mac is back on!!! woo hoo!!!

"I can't feel the peddles!!!"

A patient called to schedule an appointment today. He is 70+ and is coming in for numbness in his feet. He cant feel them. At the end of the call he asked me to email the office address to him because he was driving.

Um...really? You cant feel your feet and you are driving and talking on the phone??? I makes me consider taking the bus again for protection.

Parking

My pottery class is held downtown just 2 blocks north of the Energy Solutions Arena where the Jazz play. I didn't know the Jazz had a game last night or I wouldn't have driven to class. When I arrived there were cars EVERYWHERE. Parking was available for a mere $10. I thought about driving a couple miles away, parking and riding the train back to class. But then I saw this spot. I had to parallel park. And I did it on my first try... for the first time ever... on a busy street... without hitting any other cars...and no one honked at me. ta daa.

I Passed!

I got my midterm back. It got top spot on the fridge and a gold star.

Preparing for the Recession

We eat a lot of beans at my house. Black beans, pinto beans, kidney beans, chili beans and occasionally some green beans. Since the economy hasn't been as stable as I would prefer it to be and prices have been shooting up up and away I tend to stock my bean supply every time I go to the grocery store. Sooner or later I am going to start storing them under my bed, but for now they just take up most of my pantry.Alex did a little stocking up of his own last night. This is what he bought:

Yup, that's right. I live with one of those freaks who think bullets are a better purchase than beans. I am just waiting for the day when I get home and he is all dressed up in his camo with his face painted black and guns strapped all over his body ready to head up to the mountains where it is "safe". When that happens can my beans and I move in with you?

Spider toes

I got my toes done. yup, those are spiders on them.

Spider toes spider toes does whatever a spider toes does....

Economics Midterm

Last night was my Economics midterm. Here are a few things I was daydreaming about while I should have been focused on my test.

- Why do people walk up to the counter and breathlessly ask where the bathroom is. They are desperately urgent. I mean, cant you feel the urine coming?

- Tapeworms or another type of parasite would be an excellent weigh loss method. If only I could figure out how to inject them and then come up with an antibiotic to kill them after they sucked 20lbs out of you, I would be a millionaire.

- Why in high school was I not invited to go to the Barbara Barrington Jones extravaganza "Be Your Best Self" week getaway? I mean was I already my best self or did they think I was already too far gone?

- You know on the radio they traffic report says traffic is "stop and go" Its really not going. Its just stopped. Silly traffic report girl.

I finally finished my test. It was a toughie. I was like just 5 pages of terms that I was supposed to define, true false and essay questions. Mr. Vincent where was the multiple choice and fill in the blank with a word box???

1 o'clock freakshow

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Super Sick Deal

Al and I did a little grocery shopping the other night. We bought: cottonell toilet paper, bryers ice cream, ragu, 2 velveeta mac & cheese, 2 chili seasonings, 15 cans of beans, 2 frozen pizzas, 2 trick or treat pumpkins, some electronics and 2 boxes of coke.

The subtotal came to $97.39. After coupons and discounts I ended up writing a check for $26.69. I'm a super savy shopper super savy shopper super super super savy shopper!