Sam's 2nd Fantabulous Birthday!

Birthday Fund

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Gas Station

We had to stop at the sev and get gas and sodies on Friday night. The boys were in charge of pumping the gas and girls were designated beverage aquisition.

Once gas was purchased, everyone hydrated and shimmied back in the car we were on the road again. As we pulled away the hose and nozzle made a loud crashing noise as it was ripped from the car.

Excellent work boys.

I am just stoked the gas station attendant didn’t call the po po on us.

I’m getting soft

There are some things that I am really really good at, one of those this is cutting people off. It’s a skill that may lead some people to think I’m a cold hearted bitch…but whatever.

This skill comes in real handy when it comes to boys in my life. Normally I can decided a relationship isn’t beneficial to me and cut that person off. Its easy. I delete their number from my phone and email address from my contact list and never look back. I have absoloutly no problem resisting the urge to pick up their calls or return an email or friend request of facebook.

Except lately.

This latest one threw me a little…knocked me off my game. I couldn’t quit him. I tried…like three times. But eveytime I tried to shake him he did something endearing and I caved.

On the drive into work this morning Erin told me, “You’re getting soft.” I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I am getting soft. I guess its true: you do have to have a penis to truly not care about other people and their emotions.

Go Utes!!!!

Tigerclaw&Manda

This is me in my favorite wintertime outfit with my favorite new roommate!

My Backseat

Kelly and I went to get our toes done today and she took inventory of what was in the backseat of my car. She brought it to my attention that if a passerby glanced in my window they would get a false impression of what kind of girl I am by the stuff floating around in there.




false impression my butt

My new place

I slept at my new place last night for the first time. I am definitly going to have to invest in some ear plugs cause the wind is soo loud...but otherwise its GREAT! I love it!

top three reasons I love it:

1. When I brought a load of boxes over there were three boys sitting on the sofa who jumped up and ran out to unload it for me.
2. I am sitting in my room typing this but I can hear people out in the living room. Its nice to live with people again.
3. There is coke in the pantry

Happy Freakin New Year

Its 10:42 on New Years Eve and I am still carrying loads of crap from my apartment to the car.

I had two large boxes in my arms and was using my hip to push open the door when I heard the internet Nazi ask, “are you busy?”

Dude!!! Freakin No Shit! I’m busy with these two huge boxes!

So I am trying to carry these heavy boxes to my car and the kid is waddling behind me telling me like his life story of how he left his keys in his apartment and something about his laundry and the trunk of his car and blah blah blah.

And then I snapped at him. “Dude! Seriously, I’m sorry you are socially retarded but I cant take one more boy this evening who cant seem to vocalize his needs in a comprehensible manner!” He just stared at me. “What do you need?”

He started rambling again so I walked over to his car, gave the trunk a pull and it opened. Thats all he really needed so he just stood there drooling.

Aaaagghhh! Sometimes I wonder how some people made it to adulthood...

faster faster

this is what i see from my balcony.iI really really want to go drive donuts but I am positive I would smash into the lightpole.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Black Friday Slideshow

Por Que?

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Merry Christmas

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Best.Date.Ever.

Back in June some friends bought me an Eharmony membership. I'm not sure if it was a birthday present or a "scrape yourself off the floor and quit crying" nudge. Either way its worked wonders. After that first month I kept the membership because it was only $20 a month and the the amount of entertainment I get out of it is substantially greater.

But on to the date:

He opened doors and let me talk endlessly with and interested look and a smile on his face. When he asked what my favorite holiday was I responded, "Cameron Poe Day." He replied, "July 14th?" I cant remember exactly but I'm sure I squealed and almost fell off my chair. As I recovered he started, "My birthday is July 14th .My daddy gets out of jail on July 14th. I will see my daddy for the first time on July 14th." From that point on I was totally smitten. The rest is just icing.

We went back to his place and watched "Shawshank Redemption" I'm sure its on some list of top 10 first date movies.As we sat on the couch I could see him slowly moving closer and closer 1/4 an inch at a time. His knee would swing dangerously close to mine. His hand moved from his leg to the couch to his pocket with much more frequency than necessary. It was more entertaining to watch than the movie.

This little dance went on forever until he inquired about the ring I was wearing. I played along and explained where I got it and why I like it so much. I'm sure we could have talked about my taste in hand jewelry for hours so as the sisters were taking Dufresne in the laundry room I held his hand...and proceeded to watch the rest of the movie without interruption.

He drove me home and walked me into the lobby. I kissed him very innocently which he obviously wasn't expecting. He stood there for a moment with his mouth moving but no words coming out. As I turned I said, "thanks for dinner, I had a great time." and while rounding the corner I watched him trip on the rug and stumble out the door. I giggled all the way up the stairs.

- that was a week ago. I'm not really sure whats in store for Justin and I but I swear this has got to be the best first date I have ever been on.

So its private for a while

I took a little hiatus from the blog. Obviously.

When I talked to Alex a month or so ago I asked him not to contact me again. I explained that it was doing crazy things to my head for him to call and want to chat and bring up good times and tell me he is still in love with me...lets not forget I'm still in love with him....so its a sticky situation.

He asked me to re-add him as a friend on Facebook and continue to update my blog so that even though he wasn't talking to me he could keep up with me. That didn't seem so fair to me... like having your cake and eating it too or not buying the cow cause you are getting the milk for free or some other food related analogy...

But now the blog is private. Yay! So I can resume my wickedly funny criticism of everyone.

Case #18547

* the events described in this post happened on the evening of July 4th after a wild night of fireworks in Lehi with Abby, Kelly and her 4 kids...

I pulled onto the main road about 3:23am. It seemed deserted. Though there was a chance the gentle rolling hills could be hiding another vehicle I was almost certain I was alone. I maneuvered my Explorer down the road and slowed for the stop light ahead. I looked to the seat next to me and for a moment thought about chugging the two liter coke that lay there.

I was pulled from my coke dreams by the switch of the green light. I slowly accelerated, as not to shake the coke, when suddenly bright red and blue lights came flooding in through the back window. I immediately pulled over into the nearest pasture.

The cop approached my window. He was a large but not intimidating man. Seemed to me he probably had a family at home who he would rather be with, but instead he was here with me. "I almost freakin' peed my pants!" I exclaimed "You scared me." This was met by a firm "licence and registration please."

I fumbled through the glove box. "Hey there is that tourquoise bracelet!" I thought as I tossed it on the floor. I found a wad of papers and handed it to the officer. "Did you know your registration was expired?" I assume the dumbfounded look on my face convinced the officer of my innocence. I excused himself back to his car for a moment.

When he returned he asked "How did this happen?" I hung my head in shame as I explained that I was recently dumped and kicked outof the house by a boyfriend that normally took care of all this stuff. I guess I just didn't realize that it was due. To my sob story the officer replied, "That bastard." I nodded in agreement. His eyes softened and and he told me I needed to get the car registered. He also informed me that since the tags had been expired for 3 months the vehicle could be towed at anytime.

He gave me a a two-finger too cool for school wave and I was off.

I heart Lehi po-po.

Coyote Inn

     This is the sign posted by the elevator. I feel real safe at our hotel.

Smiths' Superdeal

I got 8 boxes of rice crispies, 2 packs of cookies, a gallon of milk, some white bread and 2 curtain rods for $5.30. Freakin awesome deals!

Jackalope

Yup. Thats a real like jakalope. I had to disrupt traffic on I-15 this morning but I got a pretty good shot of it. Awesome. 

pamphlet fail

Pre Garage Sale Kelly

Kelly was really pumped about the pending garage sale. She kept doing this weird hand dance and shouting " wikkit wikkit wikkit" It was awesome.

Twin Cores

d

Once upon a time Libby and I had matching G4s. We had twin cores. But then hers got its insides melted and my power supply was cut off and we no longer had twin cores. The fairy of Christmas brought her a new MacBook but it wasn't until last night, after a long and troubled drive to Best Buy I got mine. Now we have twin cores again. 

Coupon Books!

Kelly and I went to Smiths today for sales plus double coupons. I guess I didn't know three ring binders full of baseball card protector sheets filled with coupons were the next big thing. Here is how the coupon book spotting game works:

1point for having your coupon book open
1point if it is buckled and your child is not
1point if you are wearing a moomoo
1point if you refuse to take your hand off the book when you reach for items
1point if you have more than 6o coupon eligible items in your cart

My Shower

This is my bathroom
This is the shower.
If you look closer there is a weird hole thing
Where I can only assume some poor soul thought he could spy on some hott chick but instead got me singing Sinead O'Conner at the top of my lungs.

just ram it

just ram it. That's pretty much been my motto for the last couple months... ever since the matinience guy and his dumb ladder....

Anyway... I was at Best Buy today and after an agonizing 10 minutes in the store I left disgruntled. Then I saw this:Someone had left their buggy right behind my parked car. What else was I supposed to do? I rammed it.

And I still feel good about it.

really?

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Surgery Center

I was driving downtown and sawthis old building:
The sign on the wall intrigued me:

I wonder what kind of procedures they do in this building. Is this where you go when you have to get a pig bladder? Or is it like one of those clinics where you go in a 400lb woman can come out a 160lb homosexual man? What do you think goes on in here?

movin sisters

I finally got my couch moved. I kept waiting for a couple of big muscled boys to show up and help, but alas, they never did. So I called abz and we did it together.

After loading the beast I had Abby begin to secure it while I locked up the storage unit. When I got back to the car this is what I found:

That wouldn't quite hold the sofa all the way from Lehi to SLC to we used so nylon strapping we found in Jared's garage. While laying under the car threading the nylon stuff through every hole I could find I commented to abby that, "this is just like sewing, but you know, with a car not fabric." We secured the whole thing with a couple of knots we remembered from girls camp and we were off into the night!

* Before leaving we did agree that if the sofa fell out of the car onto the freeway somewhere along the way we would just keep on driving. Hell, we were in my pimp SUV, we could just speed away and noone would be the wiser. :)

Tire Trouble

I was driving around downtown looking for a Wells Fargo. There are four Wells Fargo locations downtown but they are either on one way streets or don’t have drive ups or are behind a locked gate. I was stopped at a red light about to turn onto the right one way street when this guy next to me honked and rolled down his window.

He told me my tire looked a little flat. Only then did I notice that my whole car was leaning to the right.

I pulled into the first parking lot I was. Magically, it turned out to be the elusive Wells Fargo parking lot. I opened the back and began looking for a jack. All I saw were three crowbar thingys… no jack. I called around until finally someone had pity on me and promised to go purchase a jack and meet me there.

I didn’t want to look totally helpless when they arrived so I tried to look busy. In doing so I found the jack!

I thought I would start the tire changing process. I started to turn the little knob on the jack and raise the car up. In the process I got my hands all dirty and the asphalt tore my little toe nail off. So I am howling jumping around the parking lot with my filthy hands infecting my open wound.

I should have stopped there, but I didn’t. I started taking the lug nuts of the tire. (Yes, I now know lug nuts come off before you raise the tire.) I got four of them off but the fifth was just so tight. A good Samaritan came by and asked if he could help. He looked like Andre the Giant so I said sure. He put the tire iron on the nut and gave it a jerk. The lug nut came off as well as the bolt it was screwed on to.

He quickly apologized, gave me a hug and tried to kiss me before jumping in his little car and zooming off.

I took the tire off. Yup. It was really broken.Finally reinforcements arrived and finished the process. Thank God, cause I would have never figured out how to lower the mud encrusted tire from under the Explorer.

While the spare was being reattached I called my local Goodyear to price new wheel parts. I talked to Mike who calmed me down and reassured me that a spare can be driven on even if the wheel only has four bolts. I told him I would bring him cookies.

Once the car was repaired I tried to drive it home. It made funny noises. So I just drove it to the Goodyear store. I left my poor injured baby in the middle of downtown Salt Lake overnight. If she never starts for me again I totally understand.

**Just a shout out to all the people I talked to that night who now think I am crazy: Grant, Mike and Magdalena, Alex, Mike @ Goodyear, Kelly, Jackie, Dad, Cam, and the Wells Fargo teller.

go green!

I tried to be all green and line dry my clothes. Now my towles and underpants are all stiff. Uncomfortable.

Oink

This little pig was on my stove when I moved in. Its like he is monitoring what I cook. But don’t worry little pig. I don’t eat pork.

Free Boxes !!!

I think I may have finally finished unpacking and sorting my stuff. So now I have a lot of really great moving boxes. They are all the same size which makes them great for stacking on a dolly. They are also super sturdy and hold almost everything.

There must be an epidemic here in SLC cause boys are tossing their girlfriends out by the dozens. If your boyfriend hasn’t already kicked you out of the house, be prepared… its coming. And when it does, remember: Manda has boxes!!!!

keychain

I caught this pimp Texas Roadhouse keychain at the Lehi parade. I almost peed my pants when I saw their float. It has Andy Armadillo on one side and a compass on the other. Magically, the compass only points in the direction of the closest Roadhouse…

Lib Po Po Strike Again

Today I was sitting outside the library watching the skater kids jump curbs and fall off their boards. Impressive stuff. Then the po po came. All the skaters scattered. My free show was over.

Damn po po cant you find something better to do then hassle sk8er boyzz?

Loose Change

I saw this guy outside the library…in the fountain… with waders on… in broad daylight stealing peoples wishes. Jerk.

Library Police

I am frequenting the SLC library quite often lately. Mostly because I can’t afford Internet at my new place but also because its free entertainment. The police who monitor the place help to remind me that life isn’t so bad… at least I am not patrolling a library at 7:00pm on a Tuesday for a living.

Yesterday I watched from the third floor as the po po found an abandoned duffle bag on the ground level. They called for backup. Set up cones. It looked like they sent the most agile of them in to check the bag. He rooted around in there and must have found something good cause immediately they hurried it away into a back room. I keep wondering what they found…. Maybe a baby or drugs or dirty underpants. We will probably never know.

Pagers

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Funny Abby

I just found this picture of Abby. It made me laugh out loud at work.

Urology Quilt

I made Michelle a quilt for her baby shower. It totally rocked. (the quilt not the baby shower) 10 points to anyone who can name every item featured on the quilt!

Alex in the News

Check out the outdoor section of the Tribune. There is a little article about Alex and the mountain club.

I stopped at the light behind this car the other morning. At first I thought the yellow ribbon on the back window was a "support our troops" ribbon but upon closer examination I read "livestrong"

Then I saw the smoke dangling out the window.

So are you for or aginst cancer?

Free Ash Meat

Meat contains no ash, rat byproducts, snot or sweat drippings. Only $2.49/lb

My Etsy Store

I finally did it. I made an Esty store. Now all of you that told me to do it or promised you would buy one...get to it!

amandabrossette.etsy.com

Happy Easter

For my super Easter present Alex found me this anatomically correct mannequin at a yard sale for only $10. Freakin Awesome huh?

insurance cards

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Not on the east side!

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It will just take a second

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puhsketti

Tonight Alex made puhsketti for dinner. Doesn't that sound yummy?

For Shanda

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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please hold

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How did it feel?

Libby's march for babies is on May 19th. We are going to walk just three miles up Provo canyon but I thought I would start training now to make sure I can do it. At dinner last night after my walk to Smiths:

Al: "How did it feel?"
Me: "My walk to Smiths? It felt like a walk to Smiths"
Al: "I hope it felt like you were saving babies. 'cause that's what your training for, to save babies."

freakin. weirdo.

Anna Nicole Moment

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Swinging Upstairs

Alex and I have lived in this basement for about a month now. I am becoming fairly certain that our landlords are swingers. For the following reasons:

1. They have lots of parties.
2. They have a hot tub.
3. I find empty beer cans on the lawn on Saturday morning.
4. Man Landlord has been seen in his robe on the deck in the middle of the afternoon.
5. From the basement it sounds just like Stewie's sexy parties.

Snow Bullies

I haven't been driving in the snow for very long. Its still really hard for me to tell if the roads are just wet or if that's ice, especially at 6 in the morning. That's why I stay to the right and drive cautiously. If you are a speedy pants, move to the right. Don't tailgate me in the snow and ice. If you must tailgate and then ram into the back of my car because you were tailgating and the roads are ice don't have some dumb look on you face when I jump out my car and scream that you are a freaking retard.

Bodacious Adventures N' Freaky Fysician

Last week we went to the BANFF film festival. Its three hours of different adventure films. Some are climbing some are skiing and my favorites are the rafting ones. There was a really good one this year about a woman traveling across the ice from Russia through the North Pole to Canada.

The second night we went we got there a little early. We found our seats and got comfortable. About 3 minutes before showtime my former employer showed up, "Hey Amanda" he said "well, isn't this crazy." The Doctor proceeded to sit down next to me. I guess we had purchased seats next to each other. Freakin. Awesome.

This is the same employer who, when I had been employed by him, told me I could stand to lose a few pounds. This is the first thing I thought when he sat down. Turns out he is also an "arm rest user." So I am sitting there with all my blubber flopping over into his chair space and he is placing his arm on the arm rest to try to keep me in my seat and out of his. This makes me uncomfortable. Then I remember how I lost it and cried when he fired me four weeks go. I become more uncomfortable. His elbow touches me. I become even more uncomfortable.By this point I have scooted to the edge of my seat about to fall off. If I hadn't been sitting half on Alex I probably would have been on the floor. Then his foot touched mine and I started to suffocate. Thank Allah its time for intermission.

As soon as the Doctor had left his seat I told Alex I was leaving. I was going to go sit in the car till the show was over. Alex suggested we just switch seats. The lady sitting next to him had bathed in some vanilla musk and was killing his nose. I gladly accepted. Doctor returned. Show continued. I didn't die.

Seriously. How unlucky can a poor unemployed girl get? First I see his wife at the store and freeze up unintentionally giving her the stink eye. Then I see him and end up oozing out of my chair onto the floor. What the heck in the world? Have I absolutely no social skills? I think maybe I should just return to the swamp from which I came.

Pants on Fire

Alex went camping last weekend. He got too close to the fire and melted his pants almost all the way off.

I think he might be getting too old for all of his adventures. I am contemplating getting him one of those life alert necklaces so he can call for help when he finally falls off the mountian.