My Shower

This is my bathroom
This is the shower.
If you look closer there is a weird hole thing
Where I can only assume some poor soul thought he could spy on some hott chick but instead got me singing Sinead O'Conner at the top of my lungs.

just ram it

just ram it. That's pretty much been my motto for the last couple months... ever since the matinience guy and his dumb ladder....

Anyway... I was at Best Buy today and after an agonizing 10 minutes in the store I left disgruntled. Then I saw this:Someone had left their buggy right behind my parked car. What else was I supposed to do? I rammed it.

And I still feel good about it.

really?

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Surgery Center

I was driving downtown and sawthis old building:
The sign on the wall intrigued me:

I wonder what kind of procedures they do in this building. Is this where you go when you have to get a pig bladder? Or is it like one of those clinics where you go in a 400lb woman can come out a 160lb homosexual man? What do you think goes on in here?

movin sisters

I finally got my couch moved. I kept waiting for a couple of big muscled boys to show up and help, but alas, they never did. So I called abz and we did it together.

After loading the beast I had Abby begin to secure it while I locked up the storage unit. When I got back to the car this is what I found:

That wouldn't quite hold the sofa all the way from Lehi to SLC to we used so nylon strapping we found in Jared's garage. While laying under the car threading the nylon stuff through every hole I could find I commented to abby that, "this is just like sewing, but you know, with a car not fabric." We secured the whole thing with a couple of knots we remembered from girls camp and we were off into the night!

* Before leaving we did agree that if the sofa fell out of the car onto the freeway somewhere along the way we would just keep on driving. Hell, we were in my pimp SUV, we could just speed away and noone would be the wiser. :)

Tire Trouble

I was driving around downtown looking for a Wells Fargo. There are four Wells Fargo locations downtown but they are either on one way streets or don’t have drive ups or are behind a locked gate. I was stopped at a red light about to turn onto the right one way street when this guy next to me honked and rolled down his window.

He told me my tire looked a little flat. Only then did I notice that my whole car was leaning to the right.

I pulled into the first parking lot I was. Magically, it turned out to be the elusive Wells Fargo parking lot. I opened the back and began looking for a jack. All I saw were three crowbar thingys… no jack. I called around until finally someone had pity on me and promised to go purchase a jack and meet me there.

I didn’t want to look totally helpless when they arrived so I tried to look busy. In doing so I found the jack!

I thought I would start the tire changing process. I started to turn the little knob on the jack and raise the car up. In the process I got my hands all dirty and the asphalt tore my little toe nail off. So I am howling jumping around the parking lot with my filthy hands infecting my open wound.

I should have stopped there, but I didn’t. I started taking the lug nuts of the tire. (Yes, I now know lug nuts come off before you raise the tire.) I got four of them off but the fifth was just so tight. A good Samaritan came by and asked if he could help. He looked like Andre the Giant so I said sure. He put the tire iron on the nut and gave it a jerk. The lug nut came off as well as the bolt it was screwed on to.

He quickly apologized, gave me a hug and tried to kiss me before jumping in his little car and zooming off.

I took the tire off. Yup. It was really broken.Finally reinforcements arrived and finished the process. Thank God, cause I would have never figured out how to lower the mud encrusted tire from under the Explorer.

While the spare was being reattached I called my local Goodyear to price new wheel parts. I talked to Mike who calmed me down and reassured me that a spare can be driven on even if the wheel only has four bolts. I told him I would bring him cookies.

Once the car was repaired I tried to drive it home. It made funny noises. So I just drove it to the Goodyear store. I left my poor injured baby in the middle of downtown Salt Lake overnight. If she never starts for me again I totally understand.

**Just a shout out to all the people I talked to that night who now think I am crazy: Grant, Mike and Magdalena, Alex, Mike @ Goodyear, Kelly, Jackie, Dad, Cam, and the Wells Fargo teller.

go green!

I tried to be all green and line dry my clothes. Now my towles and underpants are all stiff. Uncomfortable.

Oink

This little pig was on my stove when I moved in. Its like he is monitoring what I cook. But don’t worry little pig. I don’t eat pork.

Free Boxes !!!

I think I may have finally finished unpacking and sorting my stuff. So now I have a lot of really great moving boxes. They are all the same size which makes them great for stacking on a dolly. They are also super sturdy and hold almost everything.

There must be an epidemic here in SLC cause boys are tossing their girlfriends out by the dozens. If your boyfriend hasn’t already kicked you out of the house, be prepared… its coming. And when it does, remember: Manda has boxes!!!!

keychain

I caught this pimp Texas Roadhouse keychain at the Lehi parade. I almost peed my pants when I saw their float. It has Andy Armadillo on one side and a compass on the other. Magically, the compass only points in the direction of the closest Roadhouse…

Lib Po Po Strike Again

Today I was sitting outside the library watching the skater kids jump curbs and fall off their boards. Impressive stuff. Then the po po came. All the skaters scattered. My free show was over.

Damn po po cant you find something better to do then hassle sk8er boyzz?

Loose Change

I saw this guy outside the library…in the fountain… with waders on… in broad daylight stealing peoples wishes. Jerk.

Library Police

I am frequenting the SLC library quite often lately. Mostly because I can’t afford Internet at my new place but also because its free entertainment. The police who monitor the place help to remind me that life isn’t so bad… at least I am not patrolling a library at 7:00pm on a Tuesday for a living.

Yesterday I watched from the third floor as the po po found an abandoned duffle bag on the ground level. They called for backup. Set up cones. It looked like they sent the most agile of them in to check the bag. He rooted around in there and must have found something good cause immediately they hurried it away into a back room. I keep wondering what they found…. Maybe a baby or drugs or dirty underpants. We will probably never know.

Pagers

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Funny Abby

I just found this picture of Abby. It made me laugh out loud at work.

Urology Quilt

I made Michelle a quilt for her baby shower. It totally rocked. (the quilt not the baby shower) 10 points to anyone who can name every item featured on the quilt!

Alex in the News

Check out the outdoor section of the Tribune. There is a little article about Alex and the mountain club.

I stopped at the light behind this car the other morning. At first I thought the yellow ribbon on the back window was a "support our troops" ribbon but upon closer examination I read "livestrong"

Then I saw the smoke dangling out the window.

So are you for or aginst cancer?

Free Ash Meat

Meat contains no ash, rat byproducts, snot or sweat drippings. Only $2.49/lb

My Etsy Store

I finally did it. I made an Esty store. Now all of you that told me to do it or promised you would buy one...get to it!

amandabrossette.etsy.com

Happy Easter

For my super Easter present Alex found me this anatomically correct mannequin at a yard sale for only $10. Freakin Awesome huh?

insurance cards

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Not on the east side!

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It will just take a second

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puhsketti

Tonight Alex made puhsketti for dinner. Doesn't that sound yummy?

For Shanda

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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please hold

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How did it feel?

Libby's march for babies is on May 19th. We are going to walk just three miles up Provo canyon but I thought I would start training now to make sure I can do it. At dinner last night after my walk to Smiths:

Al: "How did it feel?"
Me: "My walk to Smiths? It felt like a walk to Smiths"
Al: "I hope it felt like you were saving babies. 'cause that's what your training for, to save babies."

freakin. weirdo.

Anna Nicole Moment

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Swinging Upstairs

Alex and I have lived in this basement for about a month now. I am becoming fairly certain that our landlords are swingers. For the following reasons:

1. They have lots of parties.
2. They have a hot tub.
3. I find empty beer cans on the lawn on Saturday morning.
4. Man Landlord has been seen in his robe on the deck in the middle of the afternoon.
5. From the basement it sounds just like Stewie's sexy parties.

Snow Bullies

I haven't been driving in the snow for very long. Its still really hard for me to tell if the roads are just wet or if that's ice, especially at 6 in the morning. That's why I stay to the right and drive cautiously. If you are a speedy pants, move to the right. Don't tailgate me in the snow and ice. If you must tailgate and then ram into the back of my car because you were tailgating and the roads are ice don't have some dumb look on you face when I jump out my car and scream that you are a freaking retard.

Bodacious Adventures N' Freaky Fysician

Last week we went to the BANFF film festival. Its three hours of different adventure films. Some are climbing some are skiing and my favorites are the rafting ones. There was a really good one this year about a woman traveling across the ice from Russia through the North Pole to Canada.

The second night we went we got there a little early. We found our seats and got comfortable. About 3 minutes before showtime my former employer showed up, "Hey Amanda" he said "well, isn't this crazy." The Doctor proceeded to sit down next to me. I guess we had purchased seats next to each other. Freakin. Awesome.

This is the same employer who, when I had been employed by him, told me I could stand to lose a few pounds. This is the first thing I thought when he sat down. Turns out he is also an "arm rest user." So I am sitting there with all my blubber flopping over into his chair space and he is placing his arm on the arm rest to try to keep me in my seat and out of his. This makes me uncomfortable. Then I remember how I lost it and cried when he fired me four weeks go. I become more uncomfortable. His elbow touches me. I become even more uncomfortable.By this point I have scooted to the edge of my seat about to fall off. If I hadn't been sitting half on Alex I probably would have been on the floor. Then his foot touched mine and I started to suffocate. Thank Allah its time for intermission.

As soon as the Doctor had left his seat I told Alex I was leaving. I was going to go sit in the car till the show was over. Alex suggested we just switch seats. The lady sitting next to him had bathed in some vanilla musk and was killing his nose. I gladly accepted. Doctor returned. Show continued. I didn't die.

Seriously. How unlucky can a poor unemployed girl get? First I see his wife at the store and freeze up unintentionally giving her the stink eye. Then I see him and end up oozing out of my chair onto the floor. What the heck in the world? Have I absolutely no social skills? I think maybe I should just return to the swamp from which I came.

Pants on Fire

Alex went camping last weekend. He got too close to the fire and melted his pants almost all the way off.

I think he might be getting too old for all of his adventures. I am contemplating getting him one of those life alert necklaces so he can call for help when he finally falls off the mountian.

My Ugly House

Alex and I moved about a month ago and even though I was unemployed for 3 of those 4 weeks stuff is still unpacked and unarranged. I just don't know what do do with all this crap. I think we should give it to D.I. but Al really needs all of his orange chairs.This is the view from the kitchen into the living area. That door over there on the other side of the room leads to the rest of the house so maybe I shouldn't have to jump over the couch to get to it. Notice in the bottom left corner one orange chair stacked in another cause I don't know what to do with them.
This is what the area behind the couch looks like. In the corner is a really nice working fireplace. The wall has this weird 6 inch shelf about mid way up the wall. I'm not sure what it is for. So we got three random chairs and an elliptical back there.
I don't want to forget to include a pic of the storage closet door built for umpa loompas. Its like 4 and a half feet tall.
So this is my very technical floor plan. What am I supposed to do? Anyone have an idea how to rearrange this room?

Al's Gore

Whenever Alex leaves on one of his adventures I make sure to tell him to " be safe". I forgot yesterday and look what happened:

Alex went night skiing last night. I mostly worked on aprons and watched never ending Law & Order reruns. About 9:15 the front door slowly open and Alex said "If you cant handle blood turn away." I hid under my blanket but still heard him on the tile kitchen floor. Clunk. Scrape. Drag. Clunk. Scrape. Drag.

I discovered the courage to remove the blanket from my head and ask what happened. Al said he must have hurt his leg when he was skiing. He didn't even notice it until he was done and getting into his car to drive home. As he removed his ski boot he found his hands covered in blood and his boot full of the stuff.

I got him a towel so he could hobble to the bathroom without getting blood all over the floor. Once he got there he discovered that his thermals and sock was soaked with blood. It was at this moment he instructed me to grab the camera so he could document. After discovering a huge bloody mass protruding from his leg coupled with the amount of blood loss we decided to go to the ER.

I made Alex take a towel with him so he wouldn't get blood in my car and so we wouldn't make people waiting in the waiting room throw up when we got there. I also had him wear furry leopard print slippers cause I thought they were funny.

We checked in at the ER desk and intake lady assessed the situation and cleaned up the leg a little. Turns out it wasn't serious enough to take us back for another 2 hours. We eavesdropped on conversations between the po po and other waiting room people. We made up stories about why the po po was so interested in them. We played 20 questions and I read Alex some advice columns from the smut magazine I brought.

Alex got pulled back and into a room about midnight. All the boys back there thought the hole in his leg was freakin awesome. When they came in to thoroughly clean it up I had to turn my chair around and face the corner cause I got sick. Alex took pictures.

The wound was pretty deep and there was muscle tissue sticking out that had to be shoved back in before Alex could get all stitched up. It was dirty. Alex ended up with 7 stitches.

Al was hungry so we stopped and got burritos and chalupas on the way home. Luckily I had a cold coke in the fridge. I had a drink and went to bed.

R.I.P. Lizard

I hate to track snow into the house because it makes all kinds of puddles on the kitchen floor. So, before I come in the house I stomp stomp stomp and wipe my feet on the rug. Last night as I was stomping I happened to look down. Eeek ! I had stomped a poor little lizard to death. I have a history with small animals and squishing them. I started to tear up . I squated down to take a closer look, maybe this little lizard wasnt a complete loss. Then I realized I was crying over a stomped piece of lint.

What Would Miss Manners Do?

I am pretty sure everyone knows but I was fired about two weeks ago. I'm not quite sure how I feel. On one hand I was so tired of working with one of my coworkers. I would wake up and dread going to work, only because I knew she would be there. On the other hand there are no jobs out there. I've applied or sent resumes to 87 different places. With just 2 callbacks. Its a tough market out there.

I finally made it off the couch today and went to Target for some cleaning supplies. As I was leaving I spotted the wife of my former boss. I stopped and stared and she did the same thing. It only lasted like 4 seconds but they were really long uncomfortable seconds. I just couldnt think of anything to say and my arm wouldnt lift to make a half-assed attempt at a wave.

Now I feel like a jerk. I'm not really mad at her or her husband. I swear I wasnt sending evil thoughts or shooting spikes out my eyes. Does anyone know what Miss Manners would do in this situation?

Panda Cupcakes

Alex has a Rudd family party to go to tonight. I thought I would make something extra special!

Its not gunna happen ladies

Yup, you read that right. Sad news huh?

I asked Alex the other night if he was going to marry me and he said he wasn't planning on it. I also asked him about getting a puppy for me and he said maybe. I think I just got to pick my battles with this boy and I really do want a puppy.

So sorry ladies, no big rock, no wedding colors, vomit enducing gift registry, skanky boob enhancing corset dress or amazing 12 layer wedding cake.

He did give me a $20 as he left this morning. He told me to "Go buy yourself something nice. Like a Sody." Plus he kills bugs, lifts heavy stuff and checks under my car for parts after I hit small animals. Thats all you really need right?

Aprons?

So, I was thinking today... what if I made aprons. Like cute ones with ribbon and lace and naughty ones like I made abby for Christmas...is that a real job? I mean, can you really make money selling homemade aprons?

or should i just keep looking for a real job?

Openin' a Can o' Worms

Do you ever accidentally, possibly open a can of worms? I mean you didn't mean to open it, but somehow you did. Through no fault of your own you let someone find out a secret that should have been kept a secret. And now you have a secret in your possession that is so deliciously delicious. But it could cause some damage if that secret was let loose...

I cant wait till I lose control and spill the secret everywhere.

But not on this blog cause I think it might be considered slander.

We're Enchanted!

For those of you who dont know Alex and I are moving again. The water buffalo upstairs are just too outta control. Plus they want to increase our rent another $40...and that just blows. We took a couple loads of Alex's crap over this weekend. Our new place is located at the intersection of Enchanted Hills and Magic Hills. I think this place is gunna be all rainbows and unicorns!

I got in trouble today

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oxen in apartment 22

I really hate the people that live above me. They sound like a herd of oxen. The unemployed winter flip flop wearing 30 year old husband plays gutiar hero well into the night most nights. Seriously, he's not that good. That band dream you had when you were in high school isnt going to happen, get a job. He should probably find some other hobbies too cause televised sports seem too intense for him. I can hear him up there screaming and jumping up and down. Really, how absurd is it for a grown man to scream and jump around in response to a screen displaying pictures. Its like he is more gorilla than man.

As I lay awake last night I dayreamd about things I want to do to them.
1. throw eggs at their door.
2. stick bobbie pins in the valves of their tires so they deflate
3. call the cops
4 knife their tires
5. drop a brick from my second story window onto their winshield
6. find alex's gun and shoot them through the ceiling
7. lure him into my apartment so i can shoot him and claim self defense

what should I do? vote in the comments section.

"but we are good friends"

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Ladies Lunch

Yesterday I attended a ladies lunch in Sandy. The conversation ranged from drunken pilots to breast reduction surgery. We also talked about the end of the world as we delicately munched on our breadsticks.

I was informed that the end of the world is quickly approaching and in a few years I won’t even need to purchase life insurance because, as a sinner, I will just go up in a ball of flames with no need for a coffin or flower arrangement for the front of the church.
Later, while sitting on my couch of sin talking to Lucifer…I mean Alex… I decided that maybe I don’t want to join the Jesus party in heaven. If salvation requires me to try to function daily in a slightly suicidal Zoloft induced haze it’s not worth it…that shimmering halo isn’t worth playing the “I’m the prettiest/most spiritual/most humble/wealthiest” game every Sunday at 9am.

Alex comforted me by letting me know that when I am dropped into a boiling pit of magma I will most likely die from the fumes before I hit the scalding lava. And if I did reach the hotness it would only hurt for like a second or two… ten tops.

Air Supply is COMING!!

Wendover February 27th only $10 for cheap seats. Who wants to go?? ...kelly?

some ugly shoes

Here is a photo of the shoes that lead to the death of a cat....according to Alex, an unecessary death.

Kat Killer

I was driving all over the west side last night trying to find some shoes. Well, I knew what shoes I wanted I just needed to find a store that had them in my size. I was taking some back roads (aka I was lost) when this white cat ran out in front of my car. I tried to swerve but it was not the fate of this cat to live last night.

I pulled over and called Alex but he didn't pick up. I called again and again but he didn't pick up then either. I called Kelly because she would know what to do in a situation like this.

I had dried my tears and called animal control and was about to leave the parking lot where I had stopped when Alex called me back. He said that animal control wouldn't get to it till Monday and it was probably some little kids pet so he would take care of it.

So on his way home from work this morning at 6am Alex drove all around Bang-Bang and 12800 S and 11400 S cause I wasn't sure where I was when I hit the cat. When the situation was taken care of and he got home he inspected my car to make sure it was "clean". Last night I had to run from the drivers seat into the house with my eyes closed so I wouldn't see anything that may or may not have been on my car.

After Alex woke up he came in the craft room (which was formerly the man room)and saw the opened box with my new shoes in them. "Those are HIDEOUS!!!" he exclaimed. "You killed a cat over those shoes?!? Unbelievable!"

SIck Deal of the Day

So you might be wondering what I was doing at Albies last night. I was buying pasta. Lots of it! It was on sale 20 packages for $10. So of course we bought 20 packages.
All that pasta....mmmmm. look what else I have!! Anyone else want spaghetti sandwiches!?!?
Oh, and on a side note look what got left behind at my house...hmmmm. I think I will have the first ever Manda's blog giveaway. In the comments section just leave me a not why YOU need it more than anyone else.

Savvy Shopper

I might have taken my deal seeking a little to far. We were at the self checkout at Albies. Sometimes the machine will print out coupons along with your receipt. There is a trash can near the end of the lane to toss 'em if you don't want 'em. While Alex was paying I started rummaging through the can to see if there were any good coupons that had been discarded. He looked at me like I was a freakshow.

From now on I will limit my coupon scavenging ways to shopping trips without Al.