The Grand Canyon

It's Friday night. I'm sitting on the sofa between Casey and Avery watching Pulp fiction..for like the 12th time this week. I decided two things. I need to get movin if I'm going to get this redbox back before nine and I want to see the Grand Canyon. So, grabbed the DVD and my toothbrush and headed to Arizona.


Did you even know there was a Manderfield in Utah?


This is the breakfast nook of my dreams!


This was carved into the table of my dream breakfast nook. Rock on ya'll!


So Tony was texting me driving directions throughout the night. But I guess neither of us thought to check and see if the park was even open. So I ended up driving around to the south rim.


I stopped at this not so scenic spot on the side of the road for a breakfast of coke and oreos stolen from some dead guy.


I love the Colorado. It makes me think of Indiana Jones


I really have no idea where this hole is located or what its even called. But I hiked around and down in it a little before I started imagining myself falling to the bottom and being trapped under a rock and having to cut my arm off. And then I started taking note of what I had on me that I could use to cut my own arm off and realized my car keys wouldnt cut through bone so I booked it out of there.



Look! A penguin at the Grand Canyon !




I spent alot more time than I thought I would. But the thought of sleeping in my car again gave me the encouragement I needed to drive until I got home. I'm not going back. The Grand Canyon kinda blows. Only three and a quarter stars

How to get Rid of a Boy

I'm non-committal. I struggle with the idea of caring about someone and taking that risk they might not care about me. So I sabotage relationships. Here are my 10 tested tips:

1. Be Super Needy- Ask for things you know you cant have. And when he says he can't give them to you, wait 2 days and ask again. Call him before 6am. Realize he has 30 minutes of free time a day and monopolize it.
2. Overstep Your Authority- Yes, he might have made it 33 years without you but now he needs you to tell him what to do. Be nosey. Tell him to leave his wife. Change his name to suit you. Tell him the way he raises his kid is wrong. Tell him he is unhappy and should fix it. 'Cause at 24 you know EVERYTHING.
3. Threaten to Tell His Wife- Because this will build trust between the two of you. And encourage him to do what you want.
4. Call him a Liar- dredge up all those doubts you have and spew them all at him at one time.
5. Cry- Men love it when chicks cry for no apparent reason. Try not to tell him why you are crying either.
6. Call him Names- you know, like a bully on the playground.
7. Overshare- Tell him about your period. Tell him about your drama. Make sure to whine. Tell him about crazy shit that happened years ago. If you run out of crap, lie.
8. Be mean and crazy- If you've made it to this point and he is still around, you must have some amazing tataas. Just start doing crazy mean shit.
9. Tell him you Hate him- Try to find a situation where it might just come off as legit. And say it with a straight face. Maybe cry. Or even better, text it to him so its even more confusing. Tell him to never contact you again.

- At this point he should be long gone. If he isn't its time to really evaluate if he is the boy of your dreams or if he is a crazy stalker. If he is the boy of your dreams proceed to step 10-

10. Tell him your Crazy in Love with him- Cross your fingers he loves you back. Stop playing games and hold on to him. I'm not really sure your going to find another one like this.

Lehi Basketball Rox!

Cross Contamination

We went to Cheesecake Factory last night. And of course I didnt finish my food cause they always give you enough for like 4 people so I brought the rest home. I reheated it in the oven (cause I don't do microwaves) and had it for lunch. I was swishing it around my plate cause turns out I wasnt hungry today either.... and noticed this weird noodle that didnt belong. 23-19! 23-19! Cross contamination! Aaagghhh!

But the best part of dinner had to be the waiter. Kelly and I counted. He touched me, for 3 seconds or more each time, at least 6 times during dinner. Like his entire palm placed mid back! It was wicked awkward. I finally said if he did it again I would gouge his eyes out with my spoon. Then he took my spoon from the table. Jerk.

Smokes for Dishes

Sometimes I bribe the boys to do chores around the house. Logans favorite treat would have to be a pack of smokes. Look how clean the kitchen looks when he is all done! Good job Logan!

Ben! What are you doing??!!??!

Stop laying out! You're gunna get CANCER!

Brossettes Rule!

Yeah. Its not just me wearing basketball shorts and boots in public. Its a Brossette thing. You totally want to be us...I know.

GoldFish?

At about 3:30 this afternoon I noticed goldfish adorning the picture frames in the living room. Anyone know why or even how long they've been there?

My date w/ Beans

Beans found a gnome in my backseat, named it Smithers and buckled him in.

He wore his cool sweatshirt to Wendys

Cause it was cold eating frostys.

Then he did some situps to work it off

We went to PartyLand for Mardi Gras decor

But they only had hats

and crowns

so we went to the carwash

wicked fun yall!

and then back to the house for naps.

so long old friend

My air freshner finally died. I've had it for three years and 4 different cars. I will miss you old friend, but some things are not ment to go on forever.

Manda in the Movies

Air Supply!!!!!

Highlights:
1. aagghhhhh! we got to see Air Supply.
2. I left work early in preperation.
3. Jared gave Kelly lots of $$$ for us to gamble away.
4. We made shirts.
5. A quick stop at Hobby Lobby
6. Steak sliders @ Red Robbin
7. On the road!
8. Speeding
9. making some jewlery
10. Kelly changes in the backseat
11. check out the fancy bathrooms
12. take your our seats
13. rock out to Air Supply
14. wait in line forever for autographs
15. the band takes OUR picture.
16. sodie @ MackyDs
17. glamour shots
18. political discussions
19. get out of my car!

KY's 25th 80s Birthday!

so these are from the 11th but better late than never

Sam's 2nd Fantabulous Birthday!

Birthday Fund

*this post has been deleted by "the man"

Gas Station

We had to stop at the sev and get gas and sodies on Friday night. The boys were in charge of pumping the gas and girls were designated beverage aquisition.

Once gas was purchased, everyone hydrated and shimmied back in the car we were on the road again. As we pulled away the hose and nozzle made a loud crashing noise as it was ripped from the car.

Excellent work boys.

I am just stoked the gas station attendant didn’t call the po po on us.

I’m getting soft

There are some things that I am really really good at, one of those this is cutting people off. It’s a skill that may lead some people to think I’m a cold hearted bitch…but whatever.

This skill comes in real handy when it comes to boys in my life. Normally I can decided a relationship isn’t beneficial to me and cut that person off. Its easy. I delete their number from my phone and email address from my contact list and never look back. I have absoloutly no problem resisting the urge to pick up their calls or return an email or friend request of facebook.

Except lately.

This latest one threw me a little…knocked me off my game. I couldn’t quit him. I tried…like three times. But eveytime I tried to shake him he did something endearing and I caved.

On the drive into work this morning Erin told me, “You’re getting soft.” I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I am getting soft. I guess its true: you do have to have a penis to truly not care about other people and their emotions.

Go Utes!!!!

Tigerclaw&Manda

This is me in my favorite wintertime outfit with my favorite new roommate!

My Backseat

Kelly and I went to get our toes done today and she took inventory of what was in the backseat of my car. She brought it to my attention that if a passerby glanced in my window they would get a false impression of what kind of girl I am by the stuff floating around in there.




false impression my butt

My new place

I slept at my new place last night for the first time. I am definitly going to have to invest in some ear plugs cause the wind is soo loud...but otherwise its GREAT! I love it!

top three reasons I love it:

1. When I brought a load of boxes over there were three boys sitting on the sofa who jumped up and ran out to unload it for me.
2. I am sitting in my room typing this but I can hear people out in the living room. Its nice to live with people again.
3. There is coke in the pantry

Happy Freakin New Year

Its 10:42 on New Years Eve and I am still carrying loads of crap from my apartment to the car.

I had two large boxes in my arms and was using my hip to push open the door when I heard the internet Nazi ask, “are you busy?”

Dude!!! Freakin No Shit! I’m busy with these two huge boxes!

So I am trying to carry these heavy boxes to my car and the kid is waddling behind me telling me like his life story of how he left his keys in his apartment and something about his laundry and the trunk of his car and blah blah blah.

And then I snapped at him. “Dude! Seriously, I’m sorry you are socially retarded but I cant take one more boy this evening who cant seem to vocalize his needs in a comprehensible manner!” He just stared at me. “What do you need?”

He started rambling again so I walked over to his car, gave the trunk a pull and it opened. Thats all he really needed so he just stood there drooling.

Aaaagghhh! Sometimes I wonder how some people made it to adulthood...

faster faster

this is what i see from my balcony.iI really really want to go drive donuts but I am positive I would smash into the lightpole.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Black Friday Slideshow

Por Que?

*this post deleted by "the man"

Merry Christmas

*this post deleted by "the man"

Best.Date.Ever.

Back in June some friends bought me an Eharmony membership. I'm not sure if it was a birthday present or a "scrape yourself off the floor and quit crying" nudge. Either way its worked wonders. After that first month I kept the membership because it was only $20 a month and the the amount of entertainment I get out of it is substantially greater.

But on to the date:

He opened doors and let me talk endlessly with and interested look and a smile on his face. When he asked what my favorite holiday was I responded, "Cameron Poe Day." He replied, "July 14th?" I cant remember exactly but I'm sure I squealed and almost fell off my chair. As I recovered he started, "My birthday is July 14th .My daddy gets out of jail on July 14th. I will see my daddy for the first time on July 14th." From that point on I was totally smitten. The rest is just icing.

We went back to his place and watched "Shawshank Redemption" I'm sure its on some list of top 10 first date movies.As we sat on the couch I could see him slowly moving closer and closer 1/4 an inch at a time. His knee would swing dangerously close to mine. His hand moved from his leg to the couch to his pocket with much more frequency than necessary. It was more entertaining to watch than the movie.

This little dance went on forever until he inquired about the ring I was wearing. I played along and explained where I got it and why I like it so much. I'm sure we could have talked about my taste in hand jewelry for hours so as the sisters were taking Dufresne in the laundry room I held his hand...and proceeded to watch the rest of the movie without interruption.

He drove me home and walked me into the lobby. I kissed him very innocently which he obviously wasn't expecting. He stood there for a moment with his mouth moving but no words coming out. As I turned I said, "thanks for dinner, I had a great time." and while rounding the corner I watched him trip on the rug and stumble out the door. I giggled all the way up the stairs.

- that was a week ago. I'm not really sure whats in store for Justin and I but I swear this has got to be the best first date I have ever been on.

So its private for a while

I took a little hiatus from the blog. Obviously.

When I talked to Alex a month or so ago I asked him not to contact me again. I explained that it was doing crazy things to my head for him to call and want to chat and bring up good times and tell me he is still in love with me...lets not forget I'm still in love with him....so its a sticky situation.

He asked me to re-add him as a friend on Facebook and continue to update my blog so that even though he wasn't talking to me he could keep up with me. That didn't seem so fair to me... like having your cake and eating it too or not buying the cow cause you are getting the milk for free or some other food related analogy...

But now the blog is private. Yay! So I can resume my wickedly funny criticism of everyone.

Case #18547

* the events described in this post happened on the evening of July 4th after a wild night of fireworks in Lehi with Abby, Kelly and her 4 kids...

I pulled onto the main road about 3:23am. It seemed deserted. Though there was a chance the gentle rolling hills could be hiding another vehicle I was almost certain I was alone. I maneuvered my Explorer down the road and slowed for the stop light ahead. I looked to the seat next to me and for a moment thought about chugging the two liter coke that lay there.

I was pulled from my coke dreams by the switch of the green light. I slowly accelerated, as not to shake the coke, when suddenly bright red and blue lights came flooding in through the back window. I immediately pulled over into the nearest pasture.

The cop approached my window. He was a large but not intimidating man. Seemed to me he probably had a family at home who he would rather be with, but instead he was here with me. "I almost freakin' peed my pants!" I exclaimed "You scared me." This was met by a firm "licence and registration please."

I fumbled through the glove box. "Hey there is that tourquoise bracelet!" I thought as I tossed it on the floor. I found a wad of papers and handed it to the officer. "Did you know your registration was expired?" I assume the dumbfounded look on my face convinced the officer of my innocence. I excused himself back to his car for a moment.

When he returned he asked "How did this happen?" I hung my head in shame as I explained that I was recently dumped and kicked outof the house by a boyfriend that normally took care of all this stuff. I guess I just didn't realize that it was due. To my sob story the officer replied, "That bastard." I nodded in agreement. His eyes softened and and he told me I needed to get the car registered. He also informed me that since the tags had been expired for 3 months the vehicle could be towed at anytime.

He gave me a a two-finger too cool for school wave and I was off.

I heart Lehi po-po.

Coyote Inn

     This is the sign posted by the elevator. I feel real safe at our hotel.

Smiths' Superdeal

I got 8 boxes of rice crispies, 2 packs of cookies, a gallon of milk, some white bread and 2 curtain rods for $5.30. Freakin awesome deals!

Jackalope

Yup. Thats a real like jakalope. I had to disrupt traffic on I-15 this morning but I got a pretty good shot of it. Awesome. 

pamphlet fail

Pre Garage Sale Kelly

Kelly was really pumped about the pending garage sale. She kept doing this weird hand dance and shouting " wikkit wikkit wikkit" It was awesome.

Twin Cores

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Once upon a time Libby and I had matching G4s. We had twin cores. But then hers got its insides melted and my power supply was cut off and we no longer had twin cores. The fairy of Christmas brought her a new MacBook but it wasn't until last night, after a long and troubled drive to Best Buy I got mine. Now we have twin cores again. 

Coupon Books!

Kelly and I went to Smiths today for sales plus double coupons. I guess I didn't know three ring binders full of baseball card protector sheets filled with coupons were the next big thing. Here is how the coupon book spotting game works:

1point for having your coupon book open
1point if it is buckled and your child is not
1point if you are wearing a moomoo
1point if you refuse to take your hand off the book when you reach for items
1point if you have more than 6o coupon eligible items in your cart